Catalysts – What Is Me?


I believe that people can act as catalysts for other people. The think everyone has heard or said the sentence, “he/she brings out the best/worst in me.” I believe that this is when we meet another person that amplifies a part of us, so much so, that we feel like different people when we’re with them.

To the extent I care – I care about being my best, most engaged self when interacting with other people. I like being the one in their life they can look to for answers in a specific field that I’m passionate about. I don’t seek out this role, it’s just something that I try to be when presented with the opportunity. The only times I seek out a leadership role is when I feel it’s indicated and for my own pleasure and development. However, when I am in a leadership position I try to act as a person that amplifies a good side in the people around me. It’s not always possible but I believe that, in most cases, it has more to do with the other person – rather than me. Or maybe that’s just denial talking, who knows?

When you meet a Catalyst you will feel like this person is one of the best people you have ever met in your entire life. Unbeknownst to both them and the people around, you will see something in them that most other people won’t – and most other people (including the catalyst) will not understand what all the fuss is about.

Using myself as an example, I reconnected with one such person today whom I haven’t seen for many months. It was all a bit random, since I thought she was out of the country for an undisclosed amount of time. After spending the late afternoon with her I started walking home and I started thinking about how much I love being around that person and how much better I feel about myself and my life after just those short hours we spent together.

I know that it’s not her, not really anyway, it’s me. I have something in me that comes out only on rare occasions and she has the ability to – unwittingly – tap into that; without using any conscious effort, she digs deep into my personality and finds that part of me that I don’t show anyone. With her, everything is smooth, I am the funniest, smartest, coolest, most handsome SOB in the world. It’s not that I am, really, it’s just that since my mood is so much better (even if it wasn’t bad to begin with) I feel like that about myself. I can conquer the world!

Now, several hours later, the feeling has subsided and I’m back to my normal, boring, dull-witted, lame, not too pleasing to look at-self and I feel like I’ve slipped out of one personality, into another. It’s quite fascinating, to be honest. I zoom out and observe myself now and compare it to who I was a few hours ago and it’s so bizarrely different, it’s hard to fathom.

This makes me think about people who are obsessed with falseness and that believe that external truth is the key to liberation.

What’s so bad about being different with different people? Congruence is overrated and normalcy is dull.

Be whomever you want to be, dude! Who’s to judge?

I mean, when I am with my mother, as opposed to when I’m with my best friend I’m very different. Where do we draw the line on what’s ‘real’ and what’s fake? Is it all me? Or is none of it really me?

What is me? Who am I?

See? It all comes back to that. I’ve said it so many times before, if you want to figure out what’s true, you need to go where no one has gone before. And for all you people thinking honesty is the most desirable trait in the world, look to yourself and tell me you’re 100% honest with yourself. There are two types of honesty, internal and external and it’s the former that’s the important one – and it’s also the rarest one.

But that’s something for another time.


Memento Mori

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