So I image-googled the word ‘honesty’ just to see which famous quotes would show up (yeah I do that sometimes) and the most popular quote was “Honesty is an expensive gift, don’t expect it from cheap people.” And it’s one of those quotes that sound really good, but the more I think about it the more I realize that I don’t actually know what it means. What do you mean, “cheap people?” People who have no money to share? I guess what the person was trying to say was “honesty comes at a price that not everyone is willing to pay” but wanted to sound cutesy with the way they phrased it.
Ah well, that’s what I get for sticking my head in the dirty river, trying to look for diamonds.
It did get me thinking about honesty, though. The way I think about honesty is a twofold thing, the first being the one everyone talks about – the “other people”-one. That one, I don’t care about at all. I couldn’t care less if people lied to everyone around them or were radically honest, it doesn’t affect me because I truly believe that everyone is entitled to do what they want. The only times you will get disappointed is if your expectations were higher than they should have been and even then it’s not the liar’s fault that you were disappointed, it was yours…meaning if you hadn’t put your expectations that high, you wouldn’t had been disappointed.
People will act the way they will act, and no matter how much you want to resist that fact, nothing will change it. For example, if you know that someone is a compulsive liar and you still trust that person with your deepest, darkest secrets, you don’t really have anything to be upset about, since you already knew how they were.
So that’s the first kind, which is the non-factor one.
The second one is, what I call, internal honesty – or self-honesty. This type of honesty is the one that no one really has, which makes it so ironic when you meet someone whose whole life revolves around external honesty; the type that says things like: “Honesty is the most important thing to me, if you can’t be honest then fuck off!” While that person is the most ignorant person you’ve ever met.
I wrote about it, the last post, the confusion I feel about “Self” and “Identity” when everyone changes who they are on a whim – as soon as they find some reason to. I might be the only person I’ve ever met that doesn’t think this is anything bad but rather something normal and even necessary for societal life to function.
If I treated my mother the same way I treat my best mate, she’d probably kill me…literally. Likewise, if I am the same way towards my male friends as I am with a girl I’m out on a first date with, they would think me weird.
My point is, where do we draw the line of self? Or, more importantly, what is self? What does it mean? What’s the definition of self? This is the main question in life, “who am I?” and before we ask ourselves that question, in a true and HONEST way, we haven’t even come close to the starting line of our life’s journey.
So real honesty is aimed inward, towards the “core” and it’s used as a spotlight to illuminate all the shaded parts of our internal landscapes. It all starts with that one question and by asking it – and answering it – we start being honest. And then – and only then – do we realize how it feels to be without substance. Sounds great, huh?
Well, I over-dramatize it a bit, but it is very painful and, in a very literal sense, it’s life-altering. We figure out who we are by removing what we’re not, but what we’re not is also what we believe we are, so what we’re removing is actually the thing we identify with – hence, pain.
But to not end on a negative note, what is revealed after we have gone through the trouble of removing the falseness, is the most pure beauty and life-positive and bright future; like a blinding halo of bright light that fills you up in a complete way.
What you will feel is complete gratitude, and that’s the goal of life.