Life’s Too Short For Trust Issues

I’m unreliable, I think. I don’t really know what makes me say that. But it’s something that popped into my head, so I’m assuming it’s there for a reason. Or maybe not. Maybe I just wanted a reason to start writing.

This is a funny thing actually. I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to write about when I sat down here. But I sat down anyway, since I need to be consistent with this blogging thing. Maybe that’s what makes me say that I’m not reliable. That I’m a person that makes commitments like these and then don’t keep them. Who knows? And – more importantly – who cares?

This got me thinking about trust.

Trust is something that almost everyone I’ve talked to about it, thinks is something that needs to be earned. You need to show your good side to a person before you are to be trusted. I find it hilariously ridiculous to be honest. The only thing that gives a person trust issues is fear. And while I do my best to stay clear of fear-ridden beings, it’s hard to be consistent with that if you want to maintain a healthy social life.

Here’s the deal, if I mistrust someone, it says more about me, than it does the person I’m mistrusting. I can’t allow myself to be vulnerable because I’m afraid of rejection. But honestly, rejection is a part of life just as any other. Why try to run from something that is so fundamental to social growth? Back when I was dating coaching, I got one specific question very often. They wanted to know how to never be rejected again. This is impossible. There is no way you will ever be rejection-free. Rejection hurts, sure, but it’s also necessary for expansion.

Look at building muscles. When you do a workout session, you’re actually hurting your muscles. Only during the night after – when you’re recovering – are you actually building the muscles up. Before you can become stronger, you need to weaken that part first. It’s exactly the same with the brain. The brain is also a muscle, and if you don’t put it through things like that you will never expand your mind. It’s something to think about next time you’re trying to avoid rejection.

The only thing I ever talk about on this blog is Letting Go, and this time is no different. To rid yourself of trust issues, you need to set your expectations to a realistic level. Don’t emotionally invest in things in the future. If you put your investment on something that has yet to happen, then you’ll be doing the only really big mistake you can do. Namely, distancing yourself from the present moment.

Becoming self-reliant should be the number one priority for all people, if you ask me. And it’s actually unfathomable to me, how we can focus on anything other than getting to the point where we function independently to others instead of relying on people to be. Get your priorities straight, man. It’s your fucking life we’re talking about.

Because – and I know you don’t like to hear this but – the truth is that you’re going to die some day. And another truth is that you have no fucking idea when that day is going to be. It might be in 50 years or it might be in an hour. No one knows. But we DO know that we’re going to die. In fact, that’s actually the only thing in this physical universe that we can know for sure.

So, since you know this, why the fuck are you wasting your time? How important is is to be protective of your pride? Go out there, be vulnerable, love unconditionally and let the fuck go!

Love,
Cedric

Carpe Vitae – Memento Mori

Love Is In You – Not Out There

Love is a very interesting topic for me. It’s fascinating to listen to other people’s views on love and how it works in their life.

For most people, love is something that you have for something or someone. Not a state of being. For me, almost all emotions work like the latter. I am not in love with anyone, I just love.

It’s the same with happiness, as I talked about in my previous post. I am not happy for any specific reason, I’m just happy. I call it dumb-happy. Because it’s silly and child-like, being like that. But it is, in my opinion, the way happiness and love should be experienced. The reason for that is, that if you love someone you associate the love with that person, which makes you form an attachment to that person. In other words, you start identifying with that person.

We all know what happens when that person we love – i.e. identify with – leaves our lives. We are heart broken. Now, I honestly think that heartbreak is a big part of life, that everyone should have experienced a few times in their lives. However, if we just  love unconditionally, instead of putting our love on something external, then we become unattached and let love just pour out from us in a pure and unaffected way.

There is a way to love without feeling that anxiety, worry and neediness that most all of us can relate to. Imagine just feeling like you do when you’re in love, permanently.

Love comes from inside of us, and if treated this way, it radiates outward from your centre. You are the nexus, from which all love you can share, shines from. You’re the sun, the main source of that light. This sounds cliche and a little trite, but it’s the best way to explain it.

The way get to this point is to start examining the foundation your entire being rests upon. In other words, you need to start analyzing your identity – your selfness. The reason for this is that this type of love I’m describing is nothing you can cultivate. It’s nothing you can add on to your way of being. It is like a framework that is outside of all other frameworks.

The only way to become like this is to strip away everything that isn’t this. In effect, you need to become a different person, all together. This in turn scares people. I actually had a discussion yesterday with a friend that said that she would like to be like that, but she doesn’t want to become a different person.

That is totally understandable. Why would anyone want to become a different person, if they’re happy with who they are.

That leads us nicely into what I think is the biggest problem with modern spirituality. We get sold the idea of having the cake and eat it too, which – of course – is impossible. The closest you can get to this life I’ve described, without actually stepping into it, is acting-as-if. Which is a life purpose, as valid as any, I suppose. Personally I don’t see the appeal, though.

So what does all this leave?

It leaves us with an undeniable sense that no one – NO one – has any fucking idea of what they really want.

Figure out what you really want. 

It’s really not that difficult. It might take a while, but hey, what could possibly come before that? Nothing should come before that. If you don’t know what it is you want, then what the fuck have you been doing all your life? And more importantly, where the fuck are you going now?

Sit down, shut up, start writing out what you want and keep going until you get to something solid.

Talk to you tomorrow!

Love,
Cedric

Carpe vitae – Memento Mori

Happier, But Not The Same

For those of you who don’t know, I used to write here quite frequently up until 15 months ago. In November 2013 I wrote a post here, stating that I was leaving and that, that post would be the last post ever.

Well, it was true and it wasn’t. It wasn’t because, I’m here again, proving that it wasn’t my last post, ever. But as the title of this post suggests, I’m no longer the same person as the one who wrote that post.

I’m a different person in every sense, but the physical. I was in a suicidal despair that almost proved to be the end of me. I guess that’s what it means to be in a suicidal despair. I did leave, as I said I would in that last post, leave my home and most of my belongings and moved abroad. I didn’t end up on a beach tending a bar, but I did get the time away that I had prayed for. Yes, I prayed. Not to God, but to the Universe. I prayed that I would get the time I needed to get through this shit I was in. And it was granted.

I think I should reboot this blog with a very common topic of discussion for me. Namely, happiness.

Happiness is funny, because it’s something a lot of people put up as a life goal, when it’s really a state of being. Meaning that it’s not something that you can plan for, it’s something you have or you don’t.

My theory about unhappiness is pretty simple. If you say that you’re “looking for happiness” then it stands to reason that you’re also saying – indirectly – that you’re not happy currently. So what is the solution to that problem? Well the obvious answer is, stop looking for happiness. Happiness, as mentioned above, is not something you need to search for, because it’s an emotion. A mood. So if you want to be happy, just change your mood.

But how do you do that?

Well it’s really not that difficult once you understand what makes you happy. I’m not going to tell you to go out and do those things to be happy, because that would make you dependent on those things in order to be happy. This is also what the vast majority of the people in the world do already. No, what I’d suggest is that you try to study your own happiness. Try to remember how you felt in your body when you had the biggest laugh you’ve had in your life. Look back on it and try to bring it out again.

The biggest problem, I think, is that we are so conditioned to need permission in order to express strong emotions – or any emotion for that matter. By this I mean that it’s not socially “ok” to laugh out loud if you don’t have a visible reason for it. Imagine sitting on the bus, just staring out into the distance and then start laughing uncontrollably for 2 minutes. Without looking at your phone, talking to a friend, listening to a funny audio snippet. Just for no apparent reason. It feels slightly awkward, doesn’t it?

That’s what I mean. We need “permission” to laugh. Being with a friend who tells a joke, grants you that permission.

Sure there are people like me, very happy people, whose permissions are different. We might be more comfortable doing things like that in public than others. But if we are, then why not you too?

My point is that you are allowed to do anything, should you choose to. You don’t need to look outside yourself for emotions, nor do you need to look outside yourself for permissions.

“There are no musts, only consequences.” – Me

But let’s get back on course. If you want to be happy, just decide to be. Just close your eyes, think of something that makes you happy, and then let yourself be consumed by that emotion. Let it infest every part of you until you can’t contain it any longer. Which in this case would – in all likelihood – manifest in the form of laughter.

We need to laugh more, as simple as that. When we’re happy, we’re in flow and everything we attempt just works. I’m sure you’ve felt this way before. Most likely you didn’t think that it had any correlation, what so ever, with productivity. But it does. It has everything to do with everything. When we’re happy, we simply function better. It’s like being in love, love makes us better.

That’s it for now. I’d like to thank you for reading and if you’re interested, pop your email address into the little box on the left and I’ll let you know when I post something new.

Be awesome!

Love
Cedric
Carpe Vitae